


Kumquats

by haarleytargaryen



Series: Band Texts (5SOS) [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: CALUM IS A BABY APE, M/M, Oops, This Is STUPID, ashton is a fan fic virgin, ashton struggles with his obvious daddy kink, band texts, calum is called asian in this one too, every one has fucked every one at one point, i dont know what this is, im not funny, luke doesnt want to fuck michael, malum struggles with movie choices, malum wants to 'FIX' him, or clever, the lashton is strong in this one, the planet of the apes references are actually in this one oops, these are so fun to write omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 21:07:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1997841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haarleytargaryen/pseuds/haarleytargaryen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke: omg do u see the glare calum is sending to michael</p>
<p>Michael: WHY ARE U LOOKING AT ME LIKE U WANNA IMPALE ME</p>
<p>Calum: BECAUSE I DO</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kumquats

**Author's Note:**

> this is so fucking STUPID, I AM SO SORRY MY FINGERS ARE JUST TYPING THIS GARBAGE OUT.
> 
> but I like doing it so why the hell not?
> 
> Enjoy the TRASH.

**Michael** : GUISE TOMORROW OUR ALBUM IS OUT IN THE USA, MEXICO, AND CANADA WHAT THE FUCK

 

**Calum** : babe omg i know

 

**Ashton** : im about to piss myself actually

 

**Luke** : ew ash

 

**Ashton** : sorry its nerves

 

**Luke** : aww ur vvv cute

 

**Michael** : excuse me bumfucks me and calum are trying to celebrate while u two are being all gay and gross

 

**Calum** : um mikey ur gay too

 

**Michael** : thats besides the point asian man

 

**Calum** : I AM NOT ASIAN U FUCKING KUMQUAT

 

**Ashton** : oh shit

 

**Luke** : omg do u see the glare calum is sending to michael

 

**Michael** : WHY ARE U LOOKING AT ME LIKE U WANNA IMPALE ME

 

**Calum** : BECAUSE I DO

 

**Ashton** : oh he wants to impale u alright

 

**Luke** : oh my goD

 

**Michael** : EXCUSE ME CAN WE GET BACK TO THE CELEBRATING??

 

**Calum** : no sex for u tonight

 

**Michael** : what

 

**Ashton** : im literally choking on my spit this old lady is looking at me all weird

 

**Luke** : well there will be sex for u tonight though :)

 

**Michael** : WhAT

 

**Michael** : ashton

 

**Michael** : ash

 

**Michael** : …can we share Luke???

 

**Ashton** : UmmmMMMMm

 

**Luke** : WHAT THEF CUK

 

**Calum** : MICHAEL WHAT THE FUCK

 

**Michael** : what? we’ve fucked each other before anyways lol

 

**Ashton** : SO?

 

**Luke** : IM NOT HAVING SEX WITH U WTF

 

**Michael** : ugh, fine.

 

**Calum** : …we should do something tonight

 

**Ashton** : oooh like what?

 

**Luke** : I wanna see planet of the apes tbh

 

**Calum** : HELL YES those graphics look awesome af

 

**Michael** : YAS that looks hella good

 

**Ashton** : the baby ape reminds me of calum though

 

**Michael** : OMG YAS ASHTON *heart-eyed emoji*

 

**Calum** : don’t use the word yas pls

 

**Calum** : WAIT WHAT

 

**Calum** : I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A BABY APE WTF

 

**Luke** : …yes u do don’t be in denial

**Michael** : truth^

 

**Ashton** : ^^ my bby is on point

 

**Luke** : as usual ;)

 

**Calum** : I hate all of you

 

**Michael** : lashton stop being gross malum is trying to figure out our game plan here

**Calum** : ANYWAYS…

 

**Calum** : don’t use the word yas anymore pls

 

**Ashton** : yeah thats kind of outdated anyways

 

**Luke** : …yaas

 

**Ashton** : aww lukey you can still say it <3 you say it vvvv adorably

 

**Calum** : #whipped

 

**Michael** : ^^^

 

**Luke** : thanks, daddy

 

**Michael** : oH

 

**Calum** : WELL fUCK ME UPSIDE DOWN AND CALL ME SALLY

 

**Calum** : THE RUMORS ARE TRUE

 

**Michael** : I AM GROSSED OUT BUT SLIGHTLY PLEASED

 

**Ashton** : LUCAS ROBERT HEMMINGS WHTA DDI YUO dO

 

**Luke** : everyone already knew about ur daddy kink ash lmao

 

**Michael** : true^

 

**Calum** : I’ve read so many lashton fics that had daddy kink it’s amazing

 

**Ashton** : WAIT CAULM WHAT

 

**Luke** : oh I know right? Our fans can write really amazing stuff

 

**Ashton** : WHVHAGT

**Michael** : have u read those group chat ones? Pretty fucking realistic to me

 

**Ashton** : ARE YOU KIDDHFNG MEHLG

 

**Luke** : Ash are u a fan fic virgin?

 

**Ashton** : a WHAT?

 

**Calum** : oh dear

 

**Michael** : we’re gonna have to fix that arent we?

 

**Ashton** : NO I DO NOT WANT TO BE ‘FIXED’

 

**Luke** : u don’t know how to live if u haven’t read fan fiction bby

 

**Calum** : but the malum ones are better

 

**Michael** : <3

 

**Calum** : :*

 

**Luke** : uuummm no lashton is the new larry according to some of the fans

 

**Ashton** : oh god please no

 

**Luke** : what’s so bad about that?? everyone thinks larry is adorable and they strongly believe in it… so I thought it would be nice for our fans to believe in us like them

 

**Michael** : I s2g I have a tear in my eye rn

 

**Calum** : pansy^

 

**Michael** : I CAN SEE U SOBBING CALUM DON’T LIE

 

**Calum** : …u have no evidence

 

**Ashton** : omg luke that was beautiful bby ilysm

 

**Luke** : ily too ashy <3

 

**Michael** : how did this conversation get here?

 

**Calum** : shush babe just look at the lashton over there

 

**Michael** : I don’t want to look at the fucking lashton

 

**Michael** : I see them every day wtf

 

**Michael** : cal can u stop ogling our friends and message me back pls

 

**Michael** : calum bebz

 

**Michael** : CALUM

 

**Michael** : are we going to the movies or?

 

**Michael** : fuck this im getting a hot dog

 

**Michael** : IS THIS AN ‘IGNORE MICAHEL WHEN HE’S TWO FEET AWAY FROM US’ DAY OR WHAT

**Michael** : I fucking hate this band

 

**Luke** : u took my line butt wipe

 

**Michael** : wtf oh NOW u respond


End file.
